My precious…

I like to think that I don’t put a whole lotta stock in the things of this world.  But every now and then, I am floored by the realization reminder that I am still very dependant on worldly, material things.  Now I certainly do NOT think of myself as perfect, righteous, innocent… far from it is all I can muster and that, only by His grace.  But today.  Today, I was shaken in my path to learn just how much “faith” I have put in money. 

It was truly a hobbit moment for me.  You know the scene.  Bilbo Baggins is standing in the doorway of his house, staring at the One Ring, trying to convince himself to drop it.  You can almost feel the weight, the pull of this ring sitting in the palm of his hand.  Finally, with trembling nerve, Bilbo drops the ring and it hits the floor with a thud – no bounce – accentuating the heaviness of its addiction. 

A sharp inhale and a sigh of breath indicate the relief of unloading such a burden. 

So here’s the story of my ‘precious’.  Roughly six months ago, I discovered that our checking account was missing about $550.00.  …Huh?  After a frantic search through years and years of statements, we gave up ever finding it and just accepted the loss.  But neither myself nor my husband ever reconciled the difference in the balance book.  For months I would say, “I’m going to just deduct that $550.00 we can’t find, okay?”  “Sure”, has been my husband’s reply every single time I mentioned it.  So as I sat paying bills, I decided that today was the day.  I was going to deduct the $550.00.  …I’ve said this every month for the past six months.  Why is this so hard?  Every month I’ve taken the time to mentally subtract the missing money, just to make sure I’m comfortable with the balance.  As though the imaginary $550.00 really meant something.  As if these non-existent funds could somehow keep me from being overdrawn if my account were ever emptied.  So I’m sitting there, literally psyching myself up to scribble down the figures!  The second I’ve finished with the simple math I feel as if I’ve just dropped that ring.  I’m relieved to finally be done with it.   

Clarity suddenly washed over me as I realized that I had put my faith into money that didn’t even exist.  I wasn’t even worshipping an idol I could see!  I didn’t need a golden calf, I just needed to be told it was there!  *sigh*  What has happened to my faith?  Where did it go?  And how did I miss this? 

As a person who’s been in the midst of poverty a few times in her life, I know money isn’t the real issue here.  As a kid, there were several days of not knowing where the next meal was coming from, only to find a bag of groceries on my doorstep.  Spending lots of time with relatives who had three light fixtures in the entire house and running water only in the kitchen.  Dirt floors.  Outhouses.  I’ve lived poverty.  I know how to survive in it and still be content.  Money is not the problem.  

Okay, so what is the problem?  How could I allow myself to cozy up to an imaginary truth?    Laziness.  Prosperity.  Blessing.  Let’s face it, I’m an Israelite at heart and I got fat and sassy. 

Life is good in the O’shea household.  We are thriving in so many ways.  But we are a sinful people and the more God pours out his blessings on us, the more we drift.  Now fortunately, God is so gracious to my family that he has brought these ‘distractions’ to light.  I think my husband and I have both felt the prodding of the Holy Spirit in this area for a while and neither of us have had the nerve to say anything about it to the other… sinful cowards. 

But He is a gracious God and He has led us to a wonderful church and people who constantly point us in the right direction.  I’m so thankful for the love and care God gives His children, particularly my family.  Our lessons are often learned in the midst of tragedy but every now and then God will spare us that pain and suffering to reveal our sins in a still small voice.  We are truly blessed and I pray that we grow more faithful to His Word with each day. 

“For I want you to know, brothers, that our fathers were all under the cloud, and all passed through the sea, 2 and all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, 3 and all ate the same spiritual food, 4 and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. 5 Nevertheless, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness.

6 Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did. 7 Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, “The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.” 8 We must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day. 9 We must not put Christ to the test, as some of them did and were destroyed by serpents, 10 nor grumble, as some of them did and were destroyed by the Destroyer. 11 Now these things happened to them as an example, but they were written down for our instruction, on whom the end of the ages has come. 12 Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.”

                    – 1 Corinthians 10:1-12